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09 December 2009 @ 11:50 am
Writer's Block: Go it alone  
Do you think society puts too much pressure on people to be in relationships and/or have children? Do you think this ostracizes people who would be perfectly content to remain single and/or child-free? Is this pressure worse around the holidays?

I don't know about the relationship thing. I don't feel that there's too much pressure to be in a relationship, but then again, I haven't paid too much attention to that. But, I am constantly seeing people in public saying things about having children. I personally have never wanted children. At the same time, I found out years ago that I physically cannot have one, so it worked out well. It's not that I don't like them; I just don't want any of my own. But I always hear things about how wonderful it is and my personal favorite, "You're not a real woman until you have had a child." Okay, what is that all about? What about people who can't have kids? Are we not real women? It bugs me. In reality, I have actually had only two people (one that doesn't know me personally) tell me that it is okay to not want to have children. Everyone else thinks I'm nuts.
I feel: coldcold
I'm listening to: Lithium by Nirvana
Live like you mean it and love til you feel it: Ruby (bitchface)rei17 on December 9th, 2009 07:05 pm (UTC)
It's the same with me.
I'm single. And it seems to be an unheard concept that I actually WANT to be single. I CHOSE to be single.
I'm not desperate for a man/woman to come along and upgrade my life. I'm happy.
I have a job that I love, I help people, I write, I have lots of friends, I travel and I have a great supportive family. I'm young and healthy and free and I love my life. It's pretty much perfect.
And still - everybody else feels sorry for me and tries to hook me with one of the "oh so nice guys from their office".

I'm pretty sure it's about all those books and movies where single-women are always portrayed as desperate for a guy.
Live like you mean it and love til you feel it: Dean Castiel (everything  I have)rei17 on December 9th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
When I went to my school reunion, I got asked like TWENTY times if I'm married or have a boyfriend, but only once about my job. And when I said, no I'm not in relationship, everybody looks as if he/she's so sorry for me and if I have somehow failed at life.
Weirdley non of the single-guys seemed to have failed at life. It's only the women.

It's really fucked up and really annoying.
Sorry for the rant. ^^*
This is just a topic that really frustrates me.
I've been in two pretty long relationships (each around three or four years) and it just didn't make me happy. I felt trapped. I'm still very good friends with both, but I'm honestly glad I decided to break up with them.
I'm just happier without a relationship.

So why are people so self-righteous and seem to think they know better what makes me happy than I do?
I'm not crazy. I'm not desperate. I'm not lying to myself.
Why is it so fucking unbelievable that I'm happy?
Lady Manson: fnl - tyra this damn goodladymanson on December 9th, 2009 08:46 pm (UTC)
No worries about the rant - my post would have gone on much longer had I not stopped myself.

I like that you're happy by yourself. I don't see nearly enough of that today with women I know. My sister is one of those that when she breaks up with a guy, she'll get another one the next day so that she doesn't have to deal with being alone. She once moved a guy into her apartment 12 hours after breaking up a very bad relationship because she couldn't handle being alone. There was a summer when she didn't have a boyfriend and my whole family had her on suicide watch because all she was doing was drinking and taking drugs because she said she was so upset that she had no one. My husband's ex girlfriend is the same way. It's so sad because I would personally hate to feel that I needed another person to depend on that much.

So good for you.
Barbara Desmondgloomybardgirl on December 9th, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC)
You're not nuts for wanting kids. It's like people don't realize that some of us just don't want them. I've never wanted kids ever. It is fine to not want to have kids.
Lady Manson: Buffy - willow computer geekladymanson on December 9th, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
Lady Manson: Buffy - faith fighterladymanson on December 9th, 2009 11:09 pm (UTC)
So warped. So insulting. So catholic. (lol)
Yeah, I'm Catholic and I don't buy into any of that. I think it's cuz I go to a more modernized church because I discussed it with my priest when I got married and he felt the same as I did about the whole issue.

Good luck to you in your future. I hope you can get out of where you are now and find happiness.
vltavska: angelavltavska on December 9th, 2009 10:24 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I hate that, because I feel like women who have had children sometimes act like they're in a secret club... but it's a club where they sometimes talk about poop and think it's normal, so we're well out of it.

Haha, don't get me wrong, I actually do want kids. But I don't think it's bad to not want them. Everyone has to decide for themselves. A pity as well, is there are a lot of people who shouldn't have kids, but they are not the people who have the self awareness to say "hmm, I will suck at bringing another person into this world, I guess I'd better use birth control."
Lady Manson: spn - impalaladymanson on December 9th, 2009 11:12 pm (UTC)
I love your secret club comment. That made me laugh. :) It's nice to hear this from someone who wants kids. Most people I talk to that want kids think that I'm being selfish for wanting to not have children and simply spend my life with me. I want to travel and do a lot of things that I could not afford to do with a child. And besides, I would consider it more selfish if I were to bring a kid into the world without having the means to take care of it properly.
Princess Robot Bubblegum!astrothsknot on December 10th, 2009 12:43 am (UTC)
I totally salute your decision regarding children. They're brilliant, but they require a lot of sacrifice and not everyone is prepared to make them. Why should they? It's more mature and responsible to say "I don't want them" than have them and make a cock up of parenthood because you didn't want them.

It does fade off as you get older, I'm 34 and as my son gets older and I show no signs of conforming, people have stopped asking me if I'll ever have another or if I'll meet someone - I used to get shit for not being married or wanting to get married and resisting all the set-ups andblind dates and for only having one child. I only wnated one, ever and one was what I had. My own father called me selfish.

My personal favourite was "But your little boy needs a father." I used to laugh my ass off at them when they came out with that one.

I'm not here to please other people. Society needs to fuck off out other people's lives and deal with itself first.
winchesterwomanwinchesterwoman on December 12th, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
well those people who tell you that you are nuts THEY ARE THE DOUBLE OF NUTS! I don´t want to have children either! Just, I can endure children, I don´t have petient and just I don´t want to deal with children I don´t want to give my time to someone else. and just see how much the parents are guilty of the behavior of the youth. no thanks. besides that this worlds is so crazy to bring another human being to confront all those problems, so, those person who think that you are not a real woman for not having children, are nuts.