On Saturday, I am going to Chicago. We are going to see Roger Waters on Monday and Tuesday and are going to spend the weekend just partying it up out there. Sounds fun, right?
Those of you who have read my LJ long enough know what a nut I am about flying. I am TERRIFIED of it. This is great too because my dad is a pilot and loves to give me shit about it. Those that haven't heard this story, last year, I was supposed to go to my husband's sister's wedding in FL and we got as far as onto the actual plane and I broke down crying, shaking, and tore out of the plane. I didn't go. I was literally sick about it. A year earlier, my husband was going to Seattle for a convention and I was tagging along to go see Brandon Lee's grave. We got up to the area where you line up to get on the plane and he was ahead of me. I took that chance to book it out of the gate. My husband saw this nearly had to drag me back to the plane. He got me on the plane and I was belted into my seat SOBBING. The flight attendants were super nice and talking to me to calm me down and next thing I knew, I was landing in Seattle because I worked myself up so much that I passed out.
I have three massive fears that cause this. Claustorphobia, fear of the plane crashing to the earth, and fear of some asshole deciding to bomb us. The first is common, the second is common, and the third is probably not going to happen. I was pretty cool about that fear after the security stuff after 9/11, but then the Christmas bombing attempt happened. And that was not far from me in MN.
For the past month, I have had nightmares about getting on the plane, flying, and having a guy stand up and tell us we were all going to die, only to blow the plane to bits. Yep, good times. These aren't little nightmares either, they are GRAPHIC. To be perfectly honest, I think if that happened, I would actually kill the person before they could do anything. I really do. Not out of a sheer murderous rage, but just out of that whole fight or flight response thing. If I'm afraid for myself, I have been known to do some serious damage to protect myself. It's just the way I am.
I'm actually sweating just writing this because I'm imagining sitting in the seats on the plane. I HATE IT. The only things that got me to San Diego last year was two mg of Xanax (yeah, my seizure meds kick my tolerance up REALLY high) and a bunch of vodka. So on Saturday, my husband is going to have to dope me up for a flight where you basically ascend and then descend. Seriously, Minneapolis to Chicago is ridiculously short. So then I'll be messed up for the rest of the day after that.
I just need some feedback, simply to help me calm down. I am really freaking scared. REALLY SCARED.