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09 February 2012 @ 03:01 pm
Dumb issues with dumb chicks...  
So, big thank you to all of you who commented on my last post.  I do very much appreciate it.  

In regards to the issue, I got emails from one of my other friends, as well as her brother.  Her brother apologized to me, saying that she often did that when she was loaded and most likely was drunk again.  And he's SUCH a nice guy, which was why I emailed him in the first place because I love him and his girlfriend and consider them good friends.  He tells me that he and his girlfriend don't think anything of me that his sister said and then his girlfriend hops on the email and was all, "You're so fun, we just adore you!" which did make me happy.

So I went back to sleep (finally) around ten in the morning cuz I was still upset, but bear in mind, I was still sick and all drugged up.  I slept for a bit and woke up to my text messages going off.  My other friend didn't know what I was talking about in regards to the Facebook stuff, so I went on and found out that she had gone and deleted all of her nasty comments.  THEN, she sends me this 'apology' that states that (surprise) she was drunk when she wrote it, but she still considers me to be an incredibly negative person and feels that everyone in my life and online (this includes ALL of you guys too, btw) do nothing but coddle me because they are too afraid to tell me what they really think.  Then she says that I only go for jobs I am not qualified for and that I feel I am too good for things.

Let's all bear in mind this is a girl I see, like TWICE a year and it is only at parties and when she is WASTED.  She knows nothing about me.  She doesn't know about where I used to work or my education.  She also doesn't know that I have tried to get numerous easy retail and server jobs that are lower paying, but are work.  However, everyone is like, "Oh, you're too overqualified," which SUCKS.  But I'm not going to post on Facebook that I applied at Target, Caribou, Macys, Home Depot and more because a) no one cares, and b) I don't want to sound like that snotty bitch who is like, "I'm TOO educated to work at these places..."  Yeah, I wouldn't really consider that to be an apology email when you negate it entirely.  Then there's the fact that it was only sent after my husband told his business partner/her boyfriend about it.  So either her brother or my husband's partner told her to apologize cuz she wouldn't have done it herself.  

Out of all the people that did this, it sucks that its my husband's partner's girlfriend.  It creates this awful tension and my husband has NO idea what to do.  He wants to go tell her go fuck herself, but that could lead to worse issues.  
I'm: here
I feel: uncomfortableuncomfortable
I'm listening to: Dateline
Heather: BTVS - Fuffy 2americangrl69 on February 9th, 2012 09:18 pm (UTC)
If she doesn't know you that well she has no room to say any of that shit. And she definitely doesn't have the right to speak for others. Especially when she's never spoken to or met any of them either. She just sounds like a real bitch.

I'm not really surprised that she went and deleted all her nasty comments. That seems to be what always happens. And if it's not online they still try to make it seem like it never happened.

Edited at 2012-02-09 09:19 pm (UTC)
Lady Mansonladymanson on February 9th, 2012 10:29 pm (UTC)
I'm not really surprised that she went and deleted all her nasty comments.
Yeah, I saw that one coming pretty far away too...
I'd Sell My Soul for a Blunt Instrument ...: z Psychology and Violencedodger_winslow on February 9th, 2012 10:27 pm (UTC)
This is key: this is a girl I see, like TWICE a year and it is only at parties and when she is WASTED. She knows nothing about me.

She knows nothing about you, you only see her rarely and when she's wasted, and she's a raving lunatic when she's wasted (and kind of a bitch when she's not, sounds like to me). So why do you care what she thinks? If she's making these statements on your FB account, most of the people reading them know better than to believe the crap she's slinging as "truth," yes? And she's also insulting them in the same breath, saying they are so insincere to you they can't tell you what they really think.

So really, at its core, this is a case of your husband's partner's girlfriend making a total ass out of herself in front of you and anyone who knows you well enough to be a FB friend. That's HER humiliation, not yours. You just need to remember to trust your friends to know bullshit when they hear it. Which friends do.

I know it's hurtful to have anyone say bullshit like this, but it become far less hurtful when you remember 1) they have no idea what they are talking about, and 2) Nobody believes are agrees with what they are saying.

So if you can, try to keep it in perspective. This doesn't sound like someone who is a loss to you as a friend (in fact, sounds like you're better off with her off your flist altogether!). It's not someone who knows your situation intimately and still holds these opinions; but rather someone who doesn't know you at all yet still feels entitled to spew vitriol at you as if she has some kind of insight into your situation -- at best that makes her pitifully, arrogantly inappropriate; at worst, a troll. It's not someone you have to face on a regular basis in your life. And she's not saying these things in a place where most of the people don't know you, so there's a possibility that what she says might influence the perspectives of people who don't know better. Rather, she's saying this crap amongst your friends, all of whom know better than to believe it ... best POSSIBLE place for her to say it.

My advice (if you're looking for advice ... if not, feel free to ignore it!) would be to let the unfriending stand. Unfriend her in kind and be done with her. Obviously, you can't totally divest yourself of this person if your husband's partner stays with her, but you only have to deal with her twice a year at parties, right? So just treat her like a total stranger who happens to be dating your husband's partner. Act as if what she's said about you was so unmemorable and irrelevant to you that you can't even be bothered to remember it, let alone hold a grudge or be hurt by it.

As for your husband, I'd suggest that you tell him not to worry about it. That if he wants to discuss his partner's girlfriend's inappropriate public statements about you with his partner, that would be fine with you, but he shouldn't feel he HAS to, especially if he fears it might cause problems in his relationship with his partner. But if the partner is with this chick, and she's being this out of line with you? Then the partner should be the one to address it with his girlfriend, not your husband. Because as much as what she's saying hurts your feelings? What she's saying holds the potential to damage your husband's partner's working relationship with his partner. That's a MUCH stronger argument to make to someone who is acting this way, as anything your husband could say to her would just be verification for her that she has accomplished what she obviously wants to accomplish: hurting your feelings. But her boyfriend being mad at her because what's she's doing hurts him professionally regardless of what else it does? That's something that might shut her up where nothing else would.
I'd Sell My Soul for a Blunt Instrument ...: JDM Bemuseddodger_winslow on February 9th, 2012 10:28 pm (UTC)

All in all, though, I'd go back to my original statements here. She's not your friend, and you don't value her opinion. So if she chooses to express that opinion in way that is offensive to you (particularly such an aggressive way as this)? Your best option would be to just hang up on her. Cut off her access to say it TO YOU because there is no benefit to her to say it to anyone BUT you. So if you defriend her so she can't say such rude things to you on your FB? Then you've taken away all her power to upset you. And trust your friends to know you better than to believe any of this crap she's saying. Don't worry that they share these opinions ... if they did, they wouldn't be your friends.

I know this kind of thing sucks, especially when someone is saying something that is both so unfair and so untrue, but how it affects you is all up to you. Don't fall into the trap of self doubt, believing that just because some random person says something about you, others will believe it ... especially not when the "others" in question are people who already know you and like you. Rather, understand that your friends will resent having someone say "everyone agrees with me" when they DON'T agree with her AT ALL, and that they will equally resent being portrayed as such weak people they can't tell you what they think themselves. And remember that this woman doesn't know you well enough to have a valid opinion on your situation, and that she isn't someone who is either a friend or someone you have to see on a regular basis. That makes her very easy to handle. Just cut her off. Take away her power to say these things where you have to read them and feel bad about them. Don't try to "repair" a relationship that never existed in the first place (if you only see her twice a year, and she's always drunk when you see her), but rather realize that she is a necessary evil to tolerate at parties for the sake of your husband (like a boss you detest but must still be civil to), but that otherwise, you are not required to have anything to do with her. So don't.

Beyond that, *hugs* that you're having to deal with such a rude bitch. Sounds like she needs a punch in the head, but de-friending and forgetting her is probably a more productive way to handle it. :)
Lady Mansonladymanson on February 9th, 2012 10:36 pm (UTC)
See, this is way more how I feel today than yesterday. Yesterday was all about sadness. Today is more about the whole reality of the situation and the fact that she's worth nothing to me anyway so I shouldn't worry too much about it. The worst of it all really was was when she said that all our other friends felt exactly the same about me because I had a time in my life when that actually happened and it was awful. But I found that that was incredibly untrue last night, so I do feel much better in regards to that, the important part.
Oh, and she already unfriended me the other night, so that part is already taken care of for me, lol. :) Don't have to deal with that crap.
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