Had an especially difficult night last night. The worst night of my husband's entire life, as he put it. As usual, writing stuff down always makes me feel better and in situations like this, it may end up helping someone else. Who knows?
My stepson ended up in the HCMC (Hennepin County Medical Center) crisis unit last night, only to later be transferred to the psych ward. Why, you ask? Well, we haven’t heard from him in 10 days. He is currently living with a bunch of friends, so neither had his grandparents. Which is all well and good because he’s 20 years old and its not like he has to check in or anything. But last night, we get a call from his grandpa asking my if he can please come over to their house and help out with him.
Apparently, he had gone to the Myth (a club in Saint Paul) and gotten SO fucked up on alcohol and something else that we have yet to identify (his eyes were like, black, they were so dilated). We figured that when his grandpa called that he was just you know, drunk, we’d get him here, and he’d pass out. Your typical drunken tale. Yeah, not so much…
Someone at the Myth just threw him in a cab cuz he was belligerent there. The cabbie actually reached in his pocket to find his ID cuz he passed out in the backseat and drove him to his grandparent’s house. He goes and knocks on their door asking if they knew him. It took them 20 minutes just to get him out of the cab. He had NO idea where he was. He thought he was at his friend’s house and was just mumbling, walking around in circles, and doing all this crazy stuff.
My husband goes over to get him. I am SO glad I opted out of that little ride along. So he gets there and his son was in this full on rage mode. Just screaming, yelling, cursing out my husband and his grandparents, threatening to kill both him and himself, pulling apart furniture in the house, everything. It was when he started throwing things at the animals that Kyle and his grandpa pinned him down on the bed to try to restrain him somehow. Bear in mind, this is ENTIRELY out of character. That's what made this so scary.
He kept this up for a LONG time because my husband was gone from 9 to 11:30. They finally told him they were going to have to call the cops and they didn’t want to do that because of the charges he already has against him, so basically to calm the fuck down. No go. So they had to call the police.
He wasn’t charged with anything, but they brought him to crisis because he blew a .258. Took four cops to get him in the back of the car. My husband and his grandparents were all just crying because this just sucked so bad. I guess he had severe alcohol poisoning to the point where it could have killed him, after the hospital shit all came back. He fed the doctor that evaluated him a total line of bullshit which she believed, so she released him this morning. His grandparents picked him up and then he left the house. He was offered treatment, which the county actually said they would pay for, for reasons unbeknownst to me. But I talked to my mother (who grew up with very abusive alcoholic parents, so she doesn't TOUCH alcohol) and she told me that unless someone wants to admit they need help, you can't make them get help. It doesn't work.
This runs in my husband's family. I'm not sure about my stepson's mother's family, but my husband's father was a very abusive drunk, who has now been sober for a number of years. But I have heard horror stories of when he wasn't and we are so scared because this clearly has been passed to his son. I'm literally just sitting here preparing myself for a worse phone call one night which I already have done twice in my life before. It's an awful feeling.
My husband is a total wreck. His son doesn't seem to really give a shit about it. He called him and apologized this morning but then immediately bitched him out for calling the cops. I guess the friend he is living with, my husband told the cops that’s where he is living last night, and they literally were like, “Oh, he’s living there? That’s the last place you want him to be right now.” So yeah, that’s awesome. He keeps giving everyone shit about how he had such an awful childhood and that’s why he is the way he is and all that. Well, I was there for a fair amount of it. My husband was an excellent father to him. And although his mom left and moved to Europe when he was sixteen, he cannot use that as an excuse forever. It may suck, but everyone has issues of some sort and they can’t let them run their lives forever. That’s like if I sat and whined about having cerebral palsy or epilepsy all the time (which would be really easy to do cuz it sucks), but I can’t because you have to move on and deal with life. There are people WAY worse off.
On another note...
We're planning on moving. Things are eating away at my husband tremendously. Not just stuff with his son, but his business too. If he left, he'd get a buy out of $300,000 to start somewhere new. Also, our house is nothing but a financial drain. We have talked about it a lot and I figure if we go anywhere, we'll go to California (San Diego or surrounding areas). We've found houses down there for literally $1000 cheaper than what we pay up here.