Lady Manson (ladymanson) wrote,
Lady Manson

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So freaking scared...

I have to fly down to Miami on Thursday for my sister in law's wedding and am so freaked out that I actually feel physically ill. I have been looking up stats for the odds of a plane crash, the odds of dying in and plane crash, and more, but nothing is helping. I cannot fly; it sucks. Being in the US, we have that whole worry of a rerun of 9/11, but I have a feeling that if anyone attempted that again, the passengers would probably take the people down before the air marshals got a chance. I can't see it going over well. No one wants to see that happen again, whether you're an American or not. So that isn't what I worry about. I worry about stupid things like human error, weather conditions, and stuff like that. My worst nightmare is plummeting from miles up in the sky to the ground. So technically, I'm not afraid of flying; I'm afraid of falling. Very far.

The last time I was on an airplane was when I flew back from Comic Con last year from LAX to Minneapolis, but it was incredibly relaxing because it was a midnight flight and I was the only one awake on the plane, reading. Yes, I was the asshole with the little light on while everyone tried to sleep. :-) No one cared, they were sleepy. That one hit some really severe turbulence, but I was fine. I just get scared when I haven't flown in a long time. Scared to the point of when we went to Seattle, the flight to go was called and I bolted out of the gate, through the airport. My husband caught me and dragged me on, bawling my eyes out. I cried so hard that I passed out before the plane even took off and woke up in Seattle. I've tried to get stuff to put me to sleep on flights, but I can't because of my seizure meds. If I mix pretty much anything that makes me sleepy, that includes cough medicine, it's like mixing meth. I go psycho. My doctor described what would happen would basically get me locked up for a weekend because I'd be tweaking out so badly. I did it once and it was BAD. Hallucination bad.

The worst of all this is that my dad is a private pilot. I only fly calmly if he is flying because I know that he wouldn't let anything happen to me. That, and I have seen him do an emergency landing cuz I rode in the plane when he was learning to fly. He flies very well. But he gives me such crap about being scared to fly. I also love the little tiny planes, but hate the big ones. So many people find that odd because it usually goes the other way. I like to see what is going on though, which I can't do in the back of a big plane. I just have to trust the pilots know what to do and everything is okay. My claustrophobia has a lot to do with this too, I think. When I am in planes like the airbuses, where the rows are bigger, I'm not as scared.

Ugh, I may have to cancel my trip. I feel like crap.  Oh, god, I just realized the 'scared' mood on my LJ is of Dean terrified of a plane crashing!!!

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