Title: “White Lies and Dark Times”
Characters: Sam, Ruby, and Dean
Rating: PG-13 for language and element
Word Count: 1043
Summary: AU fanfic – Ruby visits Sam after Lucifer is released.
“Why do you keep coming back?”
On her face, crawled that familiar little smirk that he secretly loved. Her eyes remained devilish, as always. Her latest form, in the cute little brunette’s body, appeared to him that particular night. It wasn’t always the same, as his mind had twisted her into several different images from the blond that had first caught his eye, to the secretary she had initially taken after crawling out of Hell, and even that of a snake once. That had been when he had been sleeping in the backseat of the Impala; hours after his brother had driven her own dagger through her chest.
“I don’t. You keep bringing me back. It’s called a subconscious, Sammy.”
He scoffed, causing her to laugh. It was a welcome sound to him, but he wouldn’t let her know that. Life was so unfair at times. He had learned to live with simple facts, realizing that many people suffered through growing up without a mom, many lost both parents, and nearly everyone had a job the hated beneath the surface. What he was finding himself more unable to deal with lately was the constant blows of negativity being he was being dealt, the types of negativity that human beings in general should not have to even know exist.
As a child, he had grown up in a manner that he couldn’t handle and was able to escape for a short amount of time, which was perhaps the most peaceful time of his life. For months after Jess had died, he had woken into those few moments before his thoughts were brought to sharp focus to think he would roll over to see her sleeping beside him. For the longest time, he could have sworn he could smell the mix of her shampoo and skin in those early moments. It was those flashes of a reality he couldn’t have that really killed him. Fortunately, they began to wean over time, mostly due to the help of his older brother.
Just as he was beginning to feel that he could handle living in such a way, Dean sealed the deal, his own way to fight off the feelings that he knew haunted Sam. The following year was full of such mixed emotions, but mostly of denial. He had said many times that he knew Dean would be gone once the year was up, but truly believed that something would save him. Even when he was clutching his brother’s body, ravaged by the claws and teeth of Hellhounds, he thought that by some miracle, he would come back to him. The thoughts remained as he buried him in a makeshift grave, ignoring the tradition of burning a hunter’s body. Despite being told repeatedly that a demon can possess a dead body, he refused to burn him, hoping every day thereafter that he would see him again.
That summer of loneliness was by far the darkest chapter of his life. All of his demons were coming to get him and for once, they weren’t the kind he could handle. A good section of it was blocked out by alcohol and the rest of it was filled with things he wished he could forget. It wasn’t until she came back to him, nearly looking the same as she did when he had last seen her in the same room Dean had died in. Ruby. As much as he believed he would somehow get Dean back, he had never expected that she would manage to con her way out of Hell and back to him.
It wasn’t until she had shown up in the form of a cute little big eyed brunette with papers assuring her that her host had unfortunately met her early end that he even entertained the idea of allowing her to enter his life. At that point, he didn’t want anything to do with anyone and the whole idea of Ruby floating around him in the body of a dead girl felt rather strange, not to mention unnecessary. He was on a spiraling path of self destruction, not caring about himself, let alone anyone else. Her words really flew in one ear and out the other for the first few days, but after rampant badgering from someone who required no sleep, he decided she may have something to say that was worth listening to.
He was still unsure of if he regretted that or not. The powers she had released within him had basically kept him alive, thinking he had a sense of worth again. But those same powers and that smugness that had been brought along with them had caused him to disbelieve those closest to him and bring about destruction.
“Everything about you was a lie, Ruby.”
Literally everything, he thought. Every word out of her mouth had been a way to turn him into her little puppet. Hell, even her in physical form was a lie.
“I saved your life, Sam. That much was the truth.”
His eyes burst open then, revealing the innards of some wayward motel room outside of
“You know I’m not going to let you keep this up for very long, right?”
Sam blinked hard, trying to regain his focus. Everything was a bit blurry and he felt sick to his stomach. His brother’s disapproving, yet concerned, face finally became clear.
“Going out at night and getting totally shitfaced. I mean, occasionally is one thing. We all do that. But I’m not about to have to deal with you feeling sorry for yourself constantly.”
That’s when he remembered the bar. The Jagermeister made a guest appearance in his thoughts and he cringed. He nodded, knowing that it wasn’t the same as before. He had lost someone and someone else was here to help. The difference this time was that the person he had lost was a demon that had been using him and his brother was here to help him. It was the complete opposite and he could only hope that it would turn out for the better this time.