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12 August 2009 @ 04:29 pm
Cancer sucks  

Ugh, I'm totally freaked out.

On Friday I am going to the doctor to find out whether this lump I have on my neck is cancerous. I'm going a bit crazy and wishing I could just go and get it over with, but my doctor is backed up until then. I found it about two weeks back, but we figured it may be a bug bite or a whitehead or something. Then it didn't go away. It doesn't help that there has been a ton of cancer in the women in my family. I already have inactive cancer cells in another area of my body, I don't need this. The great thing is that it's not really if I have it that I am worried about. I'm worried about getting it and then having to possibly stop taking my pills for my seizures and depression if they clash with any meds I would take then. If I go off my seizure meds, I need to monitored around the clock, sleep with pillows around the bed in case I have a seizure in my sleep, can't drive (obviously) and can't go to work. Luckily, I took out a long-term disability leave option when I first started at work in case anything bad would ever happen, so I would get 80% of my normal check, but still, it would not be good. Then I have to imagine telling my husband and my family about this.

Just needed to write this down to get it out. I'm just going nuts right now.

Cancer sucks.

I feel: scaredscared
I'm listening to: KQ Morning Show Playback
Live like you mean it and love til you feel it: Arthur (b/w)rei17 on August 12th, 2009 09:39 pm (UTC)
Oh my god... I'll keep my fingers crossed.
You must feel awful not knowing what it is.
Gosh, I'm so sorry. óò *hugs* I wish you all the best!
Lady Manson: misc - daneelladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
Heather: OTH - Baleyamericangrl69 on August 12th, 2009 09:50 pm (UTC)
Oh my god, that's awful. Hopefully everything will be fine. Either way I'm here for you. *big hugs*
Lady Manson: film - alice monstersladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
Child of the Revolutionsetos_puppy on August 12th, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
*crosses fingers*
Lady Manson: misc - smg cute orangeladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
ehlwyenehlwyen on August 12th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I'm thinking of you!
Lady Manson: misc - jared hello kittyladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
(Deleted comment)
Lady Manson: misc - gen ever so prettyladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :) I'll be sure to update after Friday.
(no subject) - eglvm on August 13th, 2009 12:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Lady Manson: misc - SMG fearladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
Malpreachersgal on August 13th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
Cancer Sucks
It does suck but try to stay positive - even though its tough. Good vibes coming your way! Will have you in my thoughts and prayers!!
Lady Manson: Buffy - willow/taraladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
Re: Cancer Sucks
Thank you. :) I'm doing my best to stay positive at this point.
Erin Nicoleerin_nikki on August 13th, 2009 12:30 am (UTC)
I really hope it turns out to be nothing serious. Sometimes bumps just appear and they are nothing, even if they take alittle longer than usual to clear up.

*huggles tight and wishes you the best* Keep us in the know.
Lady Manson: x - faith/dean 3ladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :) I'm trying to keep that in mind.
Lisafailegaidin on August 13th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC)
::hugs:: I'm praying for you, hun.
Lady Mansonladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
Pageavenue57: Jasonpageavenue57 on August 13th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
Ill keep you in my prayers sweetie
Lady Manson: spn - dean coffee addictladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
sugarfreesugarfree03 on August 13th, 2009 09:38 am (UTC)
you're gonna be alright, Tracy. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Lady Manson: Buffy - i'm looking at youladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much. :)
vltavskavltavska on August 13th, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC)
Well I'm looking forward to the false alarm post you'll be sure to write really soon :) *hugs*
Lady Mansonladymanson on August 13th, 2009 02:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you - so am I! :)
winchesterwomanwinchesterwoman on August 13th, 2009 11:59 pm (UTC)
Jesus Christ!
what? are you serious? and when, this Friday? Oh MY good! Hope everything is o,k because it could be a benign and not malign. Hey, do you have epilepsy? or why those seizures? Hoping you will be fine. and nothing to worry about.
Lady Manson: spn - hello boysladymanson on August 14th, 2009 02:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Jesus Christ!
Thanks so much. Yes, it's this Friday (today). I'm a bit calmer now because I know I'll get it done soon. And yes, I have epilepsy. I was born with cerebral palsy and was later found to have epilepsy and bipolar disorder. I feel like a big collection of disorders, lol. :-)
winchesterwomanwinchesterwoman on August 18th, 2009 12:44 am (UTC)
Sorry for don´t answer this before! but these day I have been a little busy and I didn´t want to just answer " oh, great you are o,k" HEEEY. if you have cerebral palsy who is that that you are here and you have studies? and married? naaaah maybe just some of your brain wasn´t mature at the time when you born. and bipolar disorder?!!! poor of you husband! in one moment you are happy and in the next second you are angry???

Lady Mansonladymanson on August 18th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
if you have cerebral palsy who is that that you are here and you have studies? and married? naaaah maybe just some of your brain wasn´t mature at the time when you born.
I'm not sure what you mean by this. I was born three months early, which is why I have the cerebral palsy. It affects the left side of my brain and body. My left brainwaves are considerably slower than the rest, I walk with a limp because my left leg is shorter than the other, and I am nearly blind in my left eye. That's only the beginning. There are several other issues I deal with because of it. As far as the bipolar, I take pills for it that keep my serotonin levels balanced. Before I took them, I was horribly depressed. I never liked the idea of taking pills for it, but when I started, it was amazing how much happier I was. It was like a whole new world was opened up to me.
winchesterwomanwinchesterwoman on August 19th, 2009 07:08 pm (UTC)
You clarify me what you wanted to say. Thank you.

Always was with respect. Well you know there are many different way of cerebral palsy and then I thought that maybe when you told me that I linked it with that cerebral palsy level low, Because you know a cerebral palsy can ban you to do many things. So, I was like naaah it can be. But now you clarify me! Jesus. Well, at least what you hae is better than much people that even know that they exist. Thank God, that he gave you big chance to live as a everybody else, and well. Maybe none like to take pills constantly but, with that you saw that you are much than was you were.

And Thank God, that I can be in touch with you, because, you can show me how the people who has deficients show me many things that people who are "normal" can´t show me and I can learn from you.

I am glad that I can learn from you and you can teach me how the people can be whatever they want when the life is not easy for them

Glad you be with us :D
turquoisetumult: [SPN] Samturquoisetumult on August 15th, 2009 02:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, hon, that's terrible! I know it's hard not to panic, but try not to overreact just yet. It's very possible (probable, even) that the lump is not cancerous. You're very young, after all.

Keep us posted. I hope it's nothing serious! ♥